Gah

I'm am completely beating myself up about everything lately.. I think it all started when i asked to fill out the SCAD paperwork.. yeah shouldn't have done that.. I would have been told later i wouldn't have been graduating if i woldn't have...
so since then.. i have been slowly slipping into depression.
yay. go figure *scowls*
Its not that i don't try to stay out of it... its just that when it hits it consumes me and right now i have no will power to face it.
so right about now its that time were i go. "what ever my head wants to do, just let it do it." faze.. the whole slicing bit... wouldn't mind that back... downing monster then Vodka.. wouldn't mind that either... neither some other bad stuff.
I am seriously tempted to just get my fake ID from my friend Sarah at SU and start going back to the Vogue on Wednesdays and Fridays.... If not for the rough comments, smoke, and sexy boys in leather pants.. but for the roughness i feel afterwords... that feeling of "i can conquer just about anything now. "
I miss the music from the Vogue, the Mercury.. and even Studio 7... *sigh* STUDIO 7! I MISS studio 7. What the Flip!!
I have been slowly talking with a guy i met at the Vogue a few years back that has a masters with brain junk (i don't remember!) and he has actually gotten my body to accept pills.... I can't believe i was afraid to go and ask him to help (well be the first impression of:"you want a drink,
honey" might have thrown me off)
Honestly i am feeling so low i could go outside and sit on my old dogs grave, in the cold, and cry till sunrise and still not have left every tear unturned.
Wow.. I hate people that whine about themselves.. yet here i am doing it again. *sigh* I will never escape all this mess.
Grrr. Back to work on Ms. Howell's project for LA 12... Humanities as ACE likes to call it. *sigh* yet another change i will not get used to. its no longer Tyee, its ACE... gah... *sighs*
Give me an anti-depressant, monster, two shots vodka, and a motabolism booster and call me dead already.
Please.